HOW TO INFILTRATE OUR CINEMATIC CULT (And Become a Legend in the Analog Underground)

 

ATTENTION, FUTURE LEGENDS. 🎬

Wanna be a background ghoul in our anime? This is just the concept art. Characters designed the old school way by Jason Brazeal and Simon Pritchard are coming soon!

The Babel Fish Films universe is recruiting new cryptids—and yes, that means you, you beautiful weirdo. Here’s how to ascend from carbon-unit to cult canon:

1. SUBMIT TO THE VOID

Send us your most unhinged headshot (+ a 3-word "backstory" like "Excommunicated mime" or "Waffle-house prophet")

Top 13 submissions get eternal life as:

A background ghoul in our next film

A cameo corpse in Space Monsters Magazine

A fake IMDb credit so convincing, even your mom will believe it

2. INVOKE THE RITUAL

Tag #BecomeCanon + @BeatnikBytes in your submission (required for "digital necromancy")

Bonus points if your photo looks like it was taken during an exorcism

3. DEFY THE ALGORITHM

All entries due by July 30th.

No fees, no Squaresville rules—just pure chaotic art

💀 THIS ISN’T A CONTEST. IT’S AN INITIATION.

Normies will say "cringe". Bootlickers will whisper "scam". Good.

👉 SWIPE TO THE OG POST https://obliviontradingpost.com/collections/blackjack-brigade-collection & manifest your immortality.

P.S. Grimaldi’s already judging you. (He hates everyone equally.)"

BREAKING: GRIMALDI'S LETTERBOXD IS THE MOST UNHINGED FILM JOURNAL SINCE DRACULA'S DIARY. 📖💀

 

We deep-dived the vampire auteur's @Space_Monsters profile and found:

🔥 HOTTEST TAKES

"The Godfather is fine but needs more cobwebs"

Gives Blade II 5 stars ("Finally a documentary")

Rates any movie with sunlight 1 star ("Overexposed")

🎥 WATCHLIST WAR CRIMES

Just The Lighthouse on repeat ("Finally relatable workplace dynamics")

14 different Hammer Horror cuts ranked by "coffin aesthetic"

🚨 PSYOP ACTIVATION:

Follow them (goal: 666 followers by Friday the 13th)

Comment your own review of their lowest-rated film (extra points if it's a rom-com)

Tag #SpaceMonstersCult so we can track the chaos

💀 THIS ISN'T CINEMA. THIS IS A CRYPT.

Normies will say "who?". Bootlickers will whisper "log off". Good.

👉 SWIPE TO THEIR PROFILE & prepare for psychic damage.

Or don't. We'd rather recruit one real midnight movie freak than 1000 Letterboxd normcores.

P.S. Their Letterboxd bio just says "BRING BACK THE IRON MAIDEN." Mood. 🔥🎬"

⚡ HASHTAGS:

#CursedCinema #VampireVerified #XeperOrSpoiler #NotYourMomsFilmCritic

THE HOLY GRAIL OF SHARK TERROR: How a 1975 Toy Scared Kids More Than Spielberg

 

ATTENTION, GROOVIE GHOULIES. 🦈

We dug up the holy grail of pre-Jaws shark horror—a 1975 toy so terrifying, it made kids voluntarily stay out of the pool. Here’s why collectors are paying a $70 trauma tax for this plastic nightmare:

Banned in 12 countries for "excessive psychological damage" (unofficially)

Teeth sharper than the film’s budget—this thing drew blood

Rare as Quint’s survival chances—only 13 confirmed specimens exist

🚨 LIMITED-TIME ASCENSION OFFER:

First 5 initiates get a free "Shark Survival Guide" (spoiler: you don’t)

Patron Tier unlocks the "How This Toy Inspired Spielberg" doc (90% lies, 100% fun)

💀 THIS LISTING WILL SINK BY SUNSET.

Normies will call it ‘just a toy’. Bootlickers will scream ‘overpriced’. Good.

👉 SWIPE UP TO CLAIM YOUR TRAUMA.

(Or don’t. We’d rather recruit one real shark freak than 1000 beach tourists.)

P.S. Tag a carbon unit who still hums the theme song in the shower. They need this. 🎵💉"

⚡ HASHTAGS:

#ForbiddenToys #JawsWasGentle #TraumaTax #XeperOrSwimAway #AnalogHorror

BLACKJACK BRIGADE: The Last Human-Made Anime (And the Ironic AI Twist That'll Make Purists Scream)

 

ATTENTION, CYBERPUNK COVEN. 👁️

Grimaldi’s undead empire hates that we made this. Why? Because Blackjack Brigade is:

Human-crafted anime (like God and Go Nagai intended)

With one ironic AI twist (so we can laugh at the robocalypse)

100% uncensored (the Algorithm already panicked)

🚨 LIMITED-TIME ASCENSION OFFER:

First 13 initiates get the Director’s Cut + secret lore drop

Patron Tier unlocks the "How We Trolled AI" documentary

💀 THIS WILL BE GONE BY MOONRISE.

Normies will call it ‘too niche’. Bootlickers will scream ‘heresy’. Good.

👉 SWIPE UP TO JOIN THE BRIGADE.

(Or don’t. We’d rather recruit one real ghoul than 1000 cubes.)

P.S. Tag a carbon unit who still thinks AI ‘art’ has a soul. Let’s fix that. 🖍️💥"

⚡ HASHTAGS:

#ForbiddenAnime #HumanOverAlgorithm #BlackjackBrigade #XeperOrScroll #analogresistance

CURRENT ART IS CONCEPT ART ONLY. THE REAL ART IS IN DEVELOPMENT

HOW TO LEGALLY KIDNAP A GHOST (A STEP-BY-STEP GUIDE TO DIGITAL NECROMANCY)

 

BEATNIK BYTES "EXCLUSIVE LEAK" POST

STOLEN BLUEPRINTS

Found Grimaldi rotting in a public domain grave

Fed his 2D corpse into Blender (the software, not the appliance—though both cause trauma)

DARK DIGITAL MAGIC

3D model rigged with 666 bones (coincidence?)

Texture map: 50% ectoplasm, 50% expired copyrights

WHY THIS TERRIFIES HOLLYWOOD

He’s our IP now (suck it, corporate ghouls)

Currently training him to DMCA troll his own doppelgängers

www.spacemonstersmagazine.com

#AnalogResurrection #IPAnarchy #BlenderOfTheDamned #SpoilerAlert #SpaceMonstersLeak

AFFILIATE PROGRAM: GET LOOT LIKE A PUNK ROCK OVERLORD

 

"Listen up, profit-pirates. 🏴‍☠️

The Man wants you broke. The Algorithm wants you begging for scraps. But we—your cyberbeatnik overlords—are handing you the keys to the loot vault.

🚀 Beatnik Bytes Affiliate Program:

10% commission on every sale you manifest (chaos magic included)

Zero squaresville rules—share it on Telegram, scream it at a show, carve it into a bathroom stall

Limited-time OATH OF FELTY: First 5 recruits get a ‘Neophyte’ bonus (translation: extra $$$)

🔥 THIS ISN’T FOR EVERYONE. (Good.)

If you’ve ever:

Side-eyed a ‘side hustle’ guru

Wanted to monetize your terminal sarcasm

Dreamed of getting paid to shitpost

👉 HIT THE LINK IN BIO. Prove your loyalty. #XeperOrDie

P.S. Tag a murgatroid who still thinks ‘affiliate’ means selling leggings. Let’s laugh while we loot. 💀"

⚡ HASHTAGS:

#RitualActivation #ForbiddenKnowledge #PunkRockOverlords #ClickOrderNotMailOrder #AntiHustle

AFFILIATE PROGRAM: GET LOOT LIKE A PUNK ROCK OVERLORD

 

(AKA "Money for Nothing, Kicks for Free—Just Like the Song Promised")

"Tired of hustling Hershey schemes that pay in exposure and broken dreams? Welcome to the anti-Squaresville affiliate program—where we actually cut checks thicker than a Mingus bassline.**

🎬 WHY THIS SLAPS:

FILM/ANIME FAN? "Earn loot pushing space monster merch or cult flick scripts—no ivy tower degree required."

GOT BAMBOOZLED BUDDIES? *"Their *5k/month* ‘marketing’ firm probably runs on used-to-be tactics. We convert like The Damned sells out shows."*

SCI-FI/HOROR NERD? "Your Galaxy just became a profit center. "Sell vindaloo-hot content tools or GWAR-level merch—pick your poison."*

💰 THE EVERYTHING PLUS DEAL:

10% upfront (*cha-ching within 24 hours—no cherry tree nonsense*).

$500/month per client (passive loot for life but terminates if the client ever leaves, like a Misfits royalty check).

ONLY 3 CLIENT SLOTS (exclusive as a Bauhaus reunion).

🚀 HOW TO WAIL:

DM us your face (resume optional—we dig rebels).

Pick your profit lane: merch, films, or AI content beasts.

Sit back while we handle the heavy lifting (you just cash thrill pills).

throws salt over shoulder

"NO MURGATROIDS. NO RED ONIONS. JUST GAS AND GUAC."

(Orbs glowing. Towel as a ”Join or Die” flag. Let’s riot.) 💸🔥🚀

⏳ SLOTS FILLING FAST

Reply "BLACKJACK" to claim your spot before we cap out.

www.babelfishfilms.com - www.obliviontradingpost.com - www.spacemonstersmagazine.com

babelfishsd@proton.me - (469)994-2752 Ocean Beach, San Diego, CA. 

#AffiliateMarketing #PassiveIncome #FilmInvestors #SideHustle #MakeMoneyOnline #ContentCreators #FilmProduction #DigitalMarketing #EarnFromHome #ViralMarketing

ATTENTION, COSMIC OUTLAWS! FREE GIVEAWAY!

Buccaneer Bunny’s opening 3 CREW SLOTS—and one could be YOURS if you:

1️⃣ Comment why you’d rob water pods with Bucky ("…because Grimaldi’s too busy interviewing space clowns to stop me!").

2️⃣ Tag 2 first mates (the more treasonous, the better).

3️⃣ Repost for 5x entries (and eternal pirate cred).

BONUS: Drop a Mr. T impression TikTok (#BuccaneerBunnyCrew) to skip the plank and win instantly.

⏳ 72 HOURS ONLY—winners get:

Voiced cameo in the anime (eternal glory).

Golden Eyepatch (rarer than Grimaldi’s dignity).

$100 store credit (fund your rebellion).

🔫 DON’T BE A FOOL. ENTER NOW: [LINK]

#BuccaneerBunny #PityTheFools #AnimeGiveaway #DeathToGrimaldi

EVERYONE OUT OF THE SOCIAL MEDIA POOL—WE FOUND THE HOLY GRAIL OF VINTAGE SHARK HORROR

This 1975 IDEAL JAWS GAME commercial is so delightfully cursed, it’ll make you:

Laugh (at the toy’s "scary" mechanics),

Cry (*because this cost $12.99 in 1975—aka $70 in trauma tax),

Question everything (why are the kids happy?!).

👉 WATCH BEFORE THE ALGORITHM EATS IT. #JAWS #VintageHorror #BruceTheMarketingShark

BLACKJACK BRIGADE: HUMAN-CRAFTED ANIME (With One Ironic AI Twist)

 

This is handmade animation—every character, every frame, crafted by artists. Here’s the breakdown:

🖌️ OUR PROCESS

My Preliminary Work

I create the 2D concept art

Convert to 3D base models in Blender for early tests

Note: These are early visuals only—final designs in progress!

The Final Product

Lead artist is refining all characters (Buccaneer Bunny stays iconic!)

100% human-drawn animation

🤖 THE ONLY AI ELEMENT

Meet AI Jeannie—the ship’s computer voiced by... an actual AI.

A deliberate creative choice (think Red Dwarf’s Holly)

Every other voice role: human actors

Every visual: human artists

🚀 WHY INVEST?

✔ Script locked & ready

✔ 45-minute pilot (standalone + series potential)

✔ Equity/merch/IMDb perks available

Limited slots open. Be part of anime history.

🔗 Join the Mutiny: https://www.spacemonstersmagazine.com/

🔗 Surrender Your Wallet: https://obliviontradingpost.com/

#BlackjackBrigade #BuccaneerBunny #AnimeInvestor #SpaceMonstersMagazine

New Moon Rising: Enter to Win a Year of Space Monsters (If You Dare)

  

INCOMING TRANSMISSION....COMMLINK ESTABLISHED...

🔥 FREE SUBSCRIPTION ALERT, EARTHIES! 🔥

Want a year's worth of gore, sci-fi and punk-rock terror ABSOLUTELY FREE? One lucky (or doomed) follower will win:

💀 A FULL YEAR of Space Monsters Magazine (4 blood-soaked issues)

💀 All the Spectral Legion perks (glowing badge, demonic ID card, 10% off for life)

💀 Bragging rights as Grimaldi's favorite mortal (until you inevitably disappoint me)

TO ENTER:

1️⃣ Follow: https://www.facebook.com/spacemonstersmag

2️⃣ Like & Share this post

3️⃣ Tag 2 fellow degenerates who deserve cosmic punishment

Winner drawn when the New Moon is seen in the Earthie sky (July 24).

👉 STILL HERE? Non-winners can join the Spectral Legion today and get:

Instant membership swag

10% off your first order

My conditional approval

End Transmission

🔗 Enter to Win: https://www.facebook.com/spacemonstersmag

🔗 Join the Damned: https://obliviontradingpost.com/

#SpaceMonstersGiveaway #SpectralLegion #WinHorror #GrimaldiHatesYou

P.S. Losers will be publicly mocked in our next issue. Choose wisely.